It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize