Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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