i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want nice things and good sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
