now i know why i became what i already was.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
