no, he came in my armpit
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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