My friends, they love my intelligence
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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