I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
