I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
