I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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