If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
