Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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