we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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