Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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