so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
