So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
