i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
