Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
