Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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