Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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