and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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