Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
