I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
