She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
nutella sex= disaster
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
