my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
