i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
