If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize