yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
