she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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