I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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