First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
