Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize