he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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