I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
