He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
