Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
