So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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