I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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