i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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