By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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