The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
