i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
