turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
