if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're too hungover to prance.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
