my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
