Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
