I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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