Nicole vs. Life
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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