I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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