Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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