Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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