I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
