the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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