Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
