So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
