I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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