Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you inspire me to be a worse person
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
