Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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