Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
