Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
