I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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