I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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