as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
