Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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