we're blogging at a bar
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
