I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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