just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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