he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
