3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
