Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will be naked everywhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
