I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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