my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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