He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We are two peas in an std pod
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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