if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its not stalking. its research.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
