im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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