so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
