Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
