just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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